Marsha's Manners

Gift & Home Channel Interview

Workplace Etiquette

Dining Etiquette

"Marsha-

I was recently at a dinner that had a small fork on the rght side...what is it for?

JoAnna, South Carolina"

Jo Anna,

The "oyster", or "cocktail fork", is the only fork that can be placed on the right side. It is used to eat an appetizer, shrimp or oyster. Typically, it rests in the bowl of the soup spoon.

Tips for Teaching 5 Year Olds

"Marsha, My five year old refuses to sit in her chair at the table, use her napkin, or use a fork. Are there any "tricks" from your "Manners for 4 & 5 Year Olds" class that can help me?

                                                                                             - Amanda J., Houston"

Dear Amanda,

I know many parents can understand your frustration. No one wants dinner time to be a battle. My first suggestion is to stop trying to teach etiquette during family dinner time. It only stresses everyone and rarely leads to a pleasant outcome. Instead, pick a time of day when your daughter is rested. Prepare a yummy snack that needs to be eaten on a plate with a knife and fork. (At the etiquette school we use peach slices). I suggest that you set a place for her at the table using colorful paper napkins, paper plates and plastic forks and knives. Start with only one simple goal each day. For instance, on the first day, teach her to unfold her napkin and put it in her lap, then reward her. That is enough for the first day. The next day, teach her to hold her fork properly, then reward her. If you build on each lesson in a fun and rewarding environment, she will want to mimic the behaviors at the dinner table on her own.

Wedding Gift Giving

"Marsha,

I will soon attend the wedding of my daughter's best friend. It is a destination affair, in Hawaii. Her parents gave my daughter a very lavish gift, but they didn't have to pay the expenses to attend an out of town wedding. Must we reciprocate with an expensive gift?- Ms. Corrigan"

Ms.Corrigan,

Thank you for asking such a practical question. It is understandable that you would like to reciprocate a generous gift to your daughter with another generous gift. However, the art of giving, no matter how small or large, is always the pleasure of the giver. By attending the destination wedding, you are sharing a priceless gift with the wedding couple. My advice is to choose a gift from the bride's registry that is within your means, and to send it before the wedding. To give outside of your means is vulgar. There is no need to mention the monetary value of your gift, no matter how generous or modest. If anyone else comments on the monetary value of a gift, it is a result of their bad taste, not yours.

Traditional Asian Dining Tips:

 

"I am going to be visiting some of our Asian vendors and don't want to offend any of them when we are eating. Any suggestions?"

Posted by: Arthur Doer | 03/10/2009 at 09:38 PM

 

Thank you for your question Mr. Doer. Dining in traditional Asian settings does not have to be intimidating if you follow a few basic rules:

• Try to use chopsticks even if you aren't perfect. If you can not manage, ask the waiter for a fork and knife.

• When serving others, or serving yourself from a community platter, turn your chopsticks around and use the other ends.

• If your dining companions encourage you to try a dish they have ordered, you simply must accept. It is considered very rude to decline.

• Pass items using only your right hand.

• Never stick your chopsticks straight up and down in rice. This is a funeral ritual.

• Do not be offended if your dining companion belches after the meal. Do not comment.

• You should pour tea for your guest and they will pour tea for you.

• Maintain your sense of humor. If you do not know something, it is perfectly acceptable to ask your companions.

• Be prepared to sample all of the dishes first. If you have traveled a great distance to be there, you will probably be considered an honored guest. They will direct the waitstaff to serve you first and refrain from eating until you begin.

• If you have a sensitive stomach, I recommend taking an antacid such as Pepto Bismol beforehand to help you digest better.

• If you have invited them, you will pay. If you have been invited, they will pay.

3 Dinner Conversation Tips:

An attendant of my "V.I.P. Networking" seminar Wednesday night asked an excellent question:

"What can I do when the conversation begins to lag...fall off...at a client luncheon? It makes me uncomfortable when I feel like I should be entertaining them..."

Thanks for your question Dr. Brett! This is how I answered him:

1) Throw the ball back to them- In other words, when conversation begins to lull, you can always ask the other person a question about themselves. Everyone is an expert about their own life, and usually very happy to talk about it. For instance, "Where did you grow up?"

2) Be prepared- Listen to the news while you are getting ready in the morning. It is always nice to have a current event handy when you need fodder for your conversation.

3) Memorize your 10 Questions- Everyone should memorize 10 questions that will help them start a conversation with a new acquaintence. Some of my favorites are:

                "Have you read any interesting books lately?"

                 "What is your favorite travel spot?"

                "What was the last movie you saw?"

                "Which team do you like for the Super Bowl...World Series...Final Four...etc.?"